


name the stars and constellations

by GuardianKarenTerrier



Series: adrien augreste 2020 [18]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Ableism, Adrien AUGreste 2020, Birthday, Emotional neglect, Gaslighting, Gen, Podfic Welcome, Pre-Canon, Young Adrien Agreste, by a lot of years, by years, internalized ableism, when did the gorilla get hired? i have no idea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:41:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25778332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuardianKarenTerrier/pseuds/GuardianKarenTerrier
Summary: He knows how busy his parents always are.  He's grateful that Mother's carved out so much time to spend with him today.She'd promised him a surprise this year.  Maybe now that he's a year older she'll help him convince Father to let him go to school.(She doesn't).
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Emilie Agreste
Series: adrien augreste 2020 [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1860751
Comments: 55
Kudos: 252





	name the stars and constellations

**Author's Note:**

> for the emilie prompt; thanks for the beta, shinobicyrus!

The day he turns eight, Mom promises him a surprise. 

Adrien hopes hopes hopes that means that maybe they'll actually go out somewhere. Maybe she'll take him to see a movie, or to a shop, or even to the park. Or- okay, that's almost definitely too much to hope for, but maybe he'll get to see Chloé. He knows Mother doesn't want him to have anyone over, because she says it's too much excitement, but surely if it's only one person that's okay. 

Adrien doesn't have any other friends to invite, anyway. 

He still hasn't made any other friends.

He doesn't get to see Chloé. He doesn't get to see anyone. 

He hasn't seen Chloé in a couple of months now, and the last time had been that big charity dinner where they'd snuck off and hid under an unused table and the nice waiter had started slipping them desserts and they'd argued over whether they should take them or not. Adrien hadn't, because the man was still a stranger. Chloé had, because she said the man wouldn't be there at all if her dad hadn't made sure he was allowed to be first. 

The macaroons _had_ looked really good. He still kind of regrets not taking at least one. It's not like anything bad had happened to Chloé, and she'd eaten a _lot_ of them.

Nathalie wakes Adrien early on his birthday and runs him through a much shorter version of his schoolwork than usual. He's too distracted to focus, which doesn't help her attempts to get him through his work faster, but they still finish considerably earlier than they do most mornings. 

"Your afternoon classes resume tomorrow. You're excused from them today," Nathalie tells him with one last sigh after she's finally gotten him to go over his history reading to her satisfaction. In his excitement Adrien had kept accidentally referencing the next chapter of the book he's supposed to be studying from, instead of the one he's currently on, and he knows from the way Nathalie keeps pinching the bridge of her nose and sighing that he's exasperating her again. 

Nathalie uses the word _exasperating_ a lot when she's referring to him. 

Adrien really wants to cheer at having a break, but he knows that it wouldn't go over well. Instead he offers a quiet, "Thank you, ma'am." 

Nathalie nods in acknowledgment as she gathers up their supplies. "I believe your mother has a surprise waiting for you in your room." 

Adrien can't run, there's no running in the house- a rule he hates, because it means he doesn't ever get to run much _at all,_ but it would be dangerous on the marble so he's reluctantly accepted it _-_ but he does definitely hurry back towards his room as fast as he can without getting in trouble. 

Mother looks up with a soft smile from where she's cleared a space in the middle of his room and-

Adrien's breath catches, his eyes lighting up. 

Mom's set up a tent. 

There's a (fake) firepit in front of it, and Mom has a small bag of marshmallows, and when she sees him she gestures proudly to a familiar homemade projector beside her. 

"You did such a good job on your astronomy project last month, Adrien." She laughs as he darts towards her and only remembers at the last second not to run. "I know how much you liked that book about camping, too, so I thought we could combine them." 

The books had been about learning magic at a summer camp, and there had been three of them, and he'd been a lot more interested in the parts about living together with other kids in a cabin _while_ they all learned magic together but Adrien hadn't honestly expected his mother to know anything about what he'd been reading on his own time at all. 

He grins and throws himself into her arms, laughing when she lets out a soft _whoof_ and catches him. "Thank you!" 

"Happy birthday, little light." Mother ruffles his hair, drawing a giggle out of him. "Hmm. It's too early to stargaze, don't you think? Now what do you think we should do instead?" 

Adrien's immediately full of ideas, of all the things from his books that he'd so badly wanted to try, but he has to discard several of them because they would need other people. "S'mores and ghost stories!" 

They have to move away from the tent, which takes away from the magic a little bit, but they roast marshmallows over a Bunsen burner, and they make s'mores with small amounts of different kinds of chocolate, and Mother tells him the kind of ghost stories that haven't been scary since he was six before determining that it's late enough to 'stargaze.' 

It's still light out, but once she pulls his heavy curtains closed it's more than dark enough to use the projector.

Adrien flops back, winces instantly, and relaxes when he doesn't hear the expected scolding for improper behaviour. Maybe it's dark enough that Mother didn't notice.

She turns on the projector, and Adrien tilts his head back and beams up at the projected constellations. 

He knows he set Draco too close to Ursa Major, and he glances nervously back at Mother when she leans back too, but she doesn't make any mention of the inaccuracy that's been bothering Adrien ever since Father had pointed it out. Adrien's project had still been deemed good enough, but now he can't think of it without also thinking of all the parts of it he'd gotten wrong.

They don't spend too long watching the stars on the ceiling. Adrien's schedule may have been cleared for the afternoon, but he knows that his parents' schedules have not been, and it's not too long before Mother levers herself off the floor and pats him on the shoulder. "Adrien, your gift this year was a bit unwieldy to wrap, so you'll have to find it yourself." Her eyes glint mischievously. "It's a big one, so it's just the one, okay?" 

Most all of his birthdays have been one or two gifts, sometimes three if he sees his bodyguard. Father and Mother both say that he has more than enough already and they're not wrong, and Adrien's happy to get any gifts from them. He _should_ be happy to get any gifts from them. He knows he's spoiled already, so he understands why they would limit anything else they give him. No one likes a spoiled brat, and Adrien might be spoiled but he doesn't think he's a brat.

(Chloé gets presents from her father all the time, even on days it’s not her birthday, and she’s never happy about them. Not that he thinks she’s a brat! Well, maybe a bit, but Adrien definitely doesn't want to turn into one, either).

And he already has his room, and it's full of all kinds of cool stuff, so Adrien's not just saying he doesn't mind. He doesn't! Really!

He doesn't.

And if he doesn't, then he can ignore the hot twist in his stomach, because he's only ever asked for the same thing every year and it... wouldn't be unwieldy to wrap. Or large. Or even all that tangible, probably.

(Tangible was one of the more recent English words he'd learned and he's in that phase where he's using it every chance he gets. It's a cool word, and it's really fun to say!

He wishes he wasn't thinking of it right now, though). 

Adrien swallows and smiles and successfully ignores the whimper in his mind that it's a no again. It's a selfish thing to keep asking for, anyway. 

But he'd really tried to be _less_ selfish about it this time, so he'd thought maybe...

He hadn't even asked about school this time. 

Just about a camping trip. Not a real summer camp, he knows the curt sharp _no_ that would earn him too well, just a night or two camping with a friend.

So... Chloé. Who would probably not be thrilled, but she still might agree just so they could have a chance to see each other. It's been _months_ now. 

Maybe she likes her classmates better than him this year. 

Adrien bats that thought and all the rest away, taking a deep breath and smiling up at his mom again. He knows he doesn't get the smile quite right, something about the edges of it feels too-sharp and _off,_ but Mom doesn't notice. If he's lucky that means he's getting better. 

Father's started talking to Nathalie about having him model some clothes for the next Gabriel line, so he hopes it means he's getting better.

(Adrien doesn't know why and no one else seems to have trouble with it, but for some reason it's really hard for him to smile when he's _thinking_ about it. It's not a problem _unless_ he's thinking about it, though, so. So he tries not to think about it.

He tries not to think about the way Father had looked irritated at his single stumbling attempt to explain and the way the Gorilla, standing in the doorway behind Father, had nodded as if maybe _he_ understood). 

The tent is pretty obviously where he's supposed to look, but Adrien hesitates, unable to help himself. He draws back as he mumbles, not looking at Mother, "Is Father..."

"Sweetheart, come here," Mother says, gently, wrapping her arms around him. "And don't mumble, Adrien, enunciate. You know your father is busy. You'll see him at dinner." 

Adrien sighs soundlessly, but now that she's holding him Mother can still tell. 

"You'll see him at dinner," she repeats, firmly. "Don't you want to see what your gift is so that you can thank him properly?" 

Adrien wants to scramble out of her arms, both to go and see and so that she can't feel it when he flinches. She lets him go, though, and he pauses at the tent flap as something occurs to him for the first time. "Mother?" 

She hums in response, tilting her head as she watches him. 

He swallows again, but. But. "Is- is the tent-"

"Don't _stammer_ , it's unprofessional," Mother chides. "Is the tent _what,_ Adrien?" 

He tries _very hard_ not to swallow _again,_ but his throat feels blocked and he wants to rub at his eyes. His voice wavers, but this time he manages to get his question out all in one sentence without any pauses. "Is it mine?" _Do I get to keep it?_

She laughs and he wishes she'd just said no.

"You don't need a tent, dear." Her voice lilts, amused. "Your bodyguard offered it for the day and set it up while Nathalie was tutoring you. I'm not sure, but I think he kept it from his childhood. If so, it's in much better shape than I expected." 

Adrien looks at the tent with new eyes. Now that he knows it's not new after all, he searches out any signs of use. He doesn't see very many- he thinks there might be a patch near the door, but if there is the colour is close enough that he can't tell. There might be a grass stain close to the same area. 

He wonders how that happened. He wonders if it's from the same event. 

He wonders if the Gorilla would tell him, if he asked. 

(He feels guilty for how much it suddenly means to him that the man came forward with the tent and even set it up himself. He feels even worse when his thoughts stray to whether his bodyguard was the one to suggest it in the first place). 

"Adrien, you're woolgathering." 

He starts. "Sorry, Mother." 

He peels the tent flap back, cautiously, and pins it open with just as much care. The tent isn't new, he knows that now, but it's obviously loved and well cared for and he thinks that means more. 

So he winces a little when his eyes first drop to the floor and he sees the tear in it that leads to his gift. 

Adrien tries to stop, then, he _wants_ to stop and see if the tent floor can be fixed, but from somewhere behind him his mother's voice is starting to shade with impatience. She has a meeting coming up, he thinks. She probably wants him to hurry. "Well, Adrien?"

He shuffles carefully around the tear and goes to the arcade cabinet, studying it with genuine happiness that's only marred by guilt at the ripped tent and the heavy, shameful feeling of disappointment that he forces away because it's. It's nothing. He's really happy to get a new game! And the dance ones have always looked so fun, too. 

He didn't know this one came in single player. 

(Eventually he learns it doesn't).

It isn't like he's ever said out loud where Father can hear him that it's the multiplayer options that have always fascinated him. Father doesn't know, and Mother only knows that he isn't reacting the way she's waiting for. If Adrien had even known that the game came in a single player mode he'd- he'd probably still have been just as interested. Probably.

(It doesn't come in single player, unless you're paying for it custom).

Adrien can hardly move the machine by himself, and he _can't_ risk making that rip any bigger so he doesn't touch it so he's not tempted to move anything, but he goes back out to his mom and smiles up at her and if it feels off again it's not in any way she notices. "Thank you!"

She smiles down at him, reaching out absently to wipe at his shoulder. A tattered piece of extremely worn and thin fabric falls from his shirt, and Adrien catches it automatically, brows furrowing. It must have gotten on him from in the tent, somehow. 

He looks at it, but most of the words are far too faded to make out. He can just barely read something about tent care and washing before his mother's reaching for it. 

Adrien shoves it into his pocket with a speed that surprises him. "You're going to be late, Mother, don't-don't worry about it, I'll throw it out myself." He winces, but when he glances up again Mother's attention is already turned to the clock. 

He takes a moment to thumb at the torn care instructions tag before shoving it even deeper into his pocket. It's a stupid thing to feel so suddenly and so strongly possessive of, and he knows vaguely that he's being more than a little unreasonable about it, but he very desperately wants to keep this even if he can't articulate _why._

Mom leaves without opening the curtains, and Adrien doesn't throw the tag out. He goes and sits in the tent, back against the cold metal of the new arcade cabinet, and takes the care tag out and runs his thumb over it over and over in the dark until the Gorilla comes and finds him there.

(The Gorilla doesn't make him throw the tag out. Adrien hides the care instructions between his bedframe and his wall and the tattered little tag stays there all the way until Plagg finds it, years later). 

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact i cant smile if im thinking about it, i commented on it being an annoying thing about my movement disorder bc somewhere we have video of me trying to smile and _failing miserably_ and my mother went '... you know that video is from several years before you first got sick, right?'
> 
> also someone asked me to smile for a photo and was VERY startled when the rest of our friends immediately shouted 'NO' at him and were then like 'well now they cant do it, dude' 
> 
> hullo adrien dont, dont mind me uh, projecting all my old speech therapy insecurities all over the place in here, theyve been coming up a lot recently. just. just a _lot._
> 
> titles from chase the morning from repo! the genetic opera and i recommend listening to this one, it fits _real well_
> 
> (those books adrien read arent percy jackson btw, theyre emily drake's the magickers)


End file.
